Happy highly sensitive with a chronic illness

𝐻𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓎 𝒽𝒾𝑔𝒽 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓈𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒...

𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒶 𝒸𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓃𝒾𝒸 𝒾𝓁𝓁𝓃𝑒𝓈𝓈

My inner manual

There is no perfect world filled with flower gardens and the sun shining every day whose warmth I can feel on my skin with birdsongs as a background music and the water rippling in a stream that flows over the jutting boulders… For me it is a world that I can dream away in when I close my eyes, when the stimuli I have received during the day have flooded me to bring peace to myself.

It's my moment to zoom out and park busy thoughts, worry and even fear, pressing the pause button in time...

Exploring what I feel inside and how my body feels is difficult for me as an HSP with severe PTSD, to be honest.

I live too much in my head and still have to learn to get more in touch with my body and what is happening around me.

I practice this by closing my eyes and simply feels, walking a barefoot path for example.

Survival mode has been turned on too much in recent years and is always automatically at the helm of my ship, my ship that has dropped several anchors over the years that prevented me from sailing further.

The survival mode has a very strong power and a lot of control over me as a person, how I think, reason, deal with situations and how I frame emotions including emotions and behavior of others.

That makes sense because it was often the only thing there for me every day when I had to face so much in my life and getting chronically ill was just one of them.

And I'm still trying to understand why I was given this task, I was suddenly given the daily assignment to fight for the most normal: life.

In the future, when my acceptance is complete in the how and why, it will bring me more relief and especially peace.

My mind has suffered terribly, dragging my body along and becoming an equally large victim, there were no limits because there was no possibility for that and continuing was the only option that was always in front of me.

The goal was never abandoned and I had forgotten to consider the consequences of what it could do to me, losing myself when I didn't even know who I was, I couldn't interpret my own existence.

I couldn't understand who I was, why I always felt different all my life from childhood, why everything was perceived in great detail through my eyes, I felt so much, could easily get upset but had a lot of feeling with the emotions of others around me accompanied by the pitfall of trying to carry it around every time.

Absorbing like a sponge and suffering with others instead of empathizing…

The border is always thin and difficult to recognize, build a filter around you, but no walls, because that is also a pitfall.

How bumpy the path of life may be is mainly determined by your own behaviour, how you deal with it as a person.

You don't always choose how life goes, but you do choose how you respond and deal with it.

That is the difference between what you can and cannot control.

The trick is to give your own emotions the right control, in the right direction, to where you want to be in the future.

I went straight ahead no matter what came my way, I had a goal in mind and never lost sight of it in any situation.

Whenever my attempts failed, I changed tactics and kept going until I got the right one and everything gradually fell into place.

It took me years but I can now proudly say that I am satisfied with where I am in my life, on the right track with a lot of room for improvement, growth rather.

My mistake was to lose myself in this and the autopilot had taken over my cockpit as I mentioned earlier. Don't make the same mistake and park thoughts and fear in time, get out of your head and create a feeling for what is around you.

Disconnect yourself for a while and connect with nature, recharge your battery so that you can be more productive and objective afterwards.

Plant the seeds you want to grow and take care of weeding in time, don't let your flower garden overgrow by too many weeds, when weeds start to overgrow (negative thoughts and fear) it will dominate and eventually take control of your beautiful flower garden. Be watchful of yourself, take care of yourself and most of all be kind to yourself.

Make it a habit to create positive thoughts instead of negative ones (autosuggestion).

Neuroplasticity or a neurolinguistic program can help you with this.

Think and grow rich - Napoleon Hill

(Dutch translation by Michael Pilarczyk

Quotes mentioned on this page are from the book.

How I am..?

"I'm fine" and you hear yourself saying it at the same time you feel yourself screaming inside.

No one can understand what you're going through and then it's easier to just say "I'm fine."

You lie to the outside world but never let that define you on who you really are.

It's also a coping mechanism that's deeply rooted and sometimes that just makes it a little easier and that's completely understandable.

You feel so many physical discomforts that you have to deal with on a daily basis, emotions that comes along with it.

It's difficult to describe because you are already flooded with this and that is also so incredibly loaded with stimuli that comes from all sides and keeps coming and differs.

Day by day, minute by minute, everything can suddenly be so different and you fall from one extreme to the other.

It's impossible to articulate everything in plain language, which increases the captivity in your head, keeps you captive as it were because you perceive everything that happens in your mind and body but you cannot share them or do not know how.

That's very heavy and feels very lonely.

In the end everything happens inside your body and in your head and there is nothing to fault on the outside.

It's very difficult for outsiders to understand that something is wrong, or if anything is wrong at all, and requires a lot of empathy from that person. Especially if you suffer from one or more rare diseases, that makes it all even more complicated.

Because it doesn't happen often, and the medical world itself doesn't have all the answers, and in fact, there is no fixed treatment or cure.

It's also too complex to be honest and people are prone to negative stimuli because it does not match their own feeling or perception of the world in which the normal is rammed into by society and also chewed up from an early age, it's “ normal” of being healthy, going to school, going to work later and starting a family…

Everything that falls outside these lines is almost unacceptable or abnormal, call it substandard for my part.

There seems to me to be a serious shortage of people with a high empathic capacity in which their love for someone with chronic illness overflows and they are committed to wanting to know, help and feel more about this and also dare to love these people.

A person who suffers from a serious lack of empathy and the lack of being able to experience (own) emotions and to connect with others has the greatest invisible limitation in the world in my opinion.

The kind of people who do have these abilities with these inner qualities are very rare and you are blessed to have such a person in your life as a friend, partner, mother, brother or sister…

Think about that for a moment because that nuances the harsh reality around yourself a bit.

There is no good or bad of people in this story, it is a matter of surrounding and opening up to the right persons, who will give your darkness some light, the support and strength to carry on, just reasons to to live fully.

And here I get to the part that I am very blessed for myself with a loving partner and my children, my common thread through life.

I'm grateful for the support groups on Facebook, I would hardly know what to do without.

Not only the (emotional) contact, but also the support, help and recognition that can save lives in any way, especially where doctors often miss the mark because just like our society, doctors have their own society in which all letters have to be the same as inside the book and everything that falls out will be not recognized or be written off.

In fact, the physical complaints are called psychological, in this modern medicine that unfortunately still happens far too often and then it is difficult to stand above that, to stand strong, because they determine your quality of life, they have to help us to find out what is wrong and help us with this, the failure in this is still far too great.

God what did I suffered for years and it has contributed to the development of - and also a part of my PTSD and anxiety disorder.

I've always skimmed through one doctor after another and each time fired immediately if they couldn't help me, a doctor I choose and pay has to help me and if that one fails, the story ends.

It took me years but my perseverance, fighting spirit and will to live won out in the end.

The pitfall for me in this was (and still is) that I don't know when it's time to turn off that survival mechanism because that's the only thing I've ever known in my life, the only thing that feels familiar and has never let me down.

But it's time to start living consciously, to take the helm of my ship, this in small steps, it's a part of a broad recovery process.

And that's pretty scary at first...

The road to freedom with countless opportunities and possibilities, when doors close, new ones open.

My golden tip for anyone who suffers from one or more chronic conditions is to immerse yourself in this, do the necessary research and stay in the right context, don't get scared of the typical Dr Google who comes up with the most frightening theories.

Read medical science-based documents and studies, not just a piece of text from some website, blog or whatever.

But really literature posted online.

International support groups are usually a few steps further along and have a larger audience about the condition in question.

Provide yourself with as much information as possible, substantiate your own file and discuss this with your own doctor and continue until you have found a doctor who listens and is willing to help you.

That anxiety comes from me

To be fair, that anxiety comes from me and originated in my own thoughts.

The perception of objectivity and subjectivity became increasingly blurred, causing fear to increase and manifest itself more and more at any given time of the day, but usually activated by a trigger. This trigger is usually something the fear is built on, when that threatens to become realistic, is't immediately activated like a fire alarm that goes off when it detects smoke, but does it burn systematically or could it be something else?

Can smoke just be smoke, when the saying goes, 'where there's smoke, there's fire'?

Fear is a mindset that you can control and direct.

Thoughts translate into physical equivalents:

The world consists of 2 things: energy and matter, they cannot be created or destroyed.

Life, like other forms of energy, can go through various transition processes or change, but never cease to exist.

For example, death is only a transition.

If there is nothing after death but an eternal deep sleep, there is nothing to be afraid of.

If you can accept this logic, there is no need to be affraid of death.

I deplore the education system where fear, depression and the weight of the world are not educated to build resilience and where self confidence is developed and then protected.

Not everyone grows up in a safe and loving family.

You become a soldier who has to guard the boundaries of his own existence, that's not how it should be in this life. And I'm sorry if this happened to you, but there is a recovery process, you just have to try to find the starting point along with the direction indicators that guide you through it.

Problems arise in your own mind.

Most of the doomsday scenarios that keep you busy come from imagination. How many times did you have such scenarios become reality?

If you get stuck in worrying or fixated on 'a problem', you are harboring the negative.

A problem is like a question for which there is no solution or answer yet, according to the Buddhist way of thinking they are teachers:

The problem will continue to appear in your path until a solution is found.

Until you have shown that you have understood the lesson.

To overcome new obstacles.

This is a part of your personal growth and learning.

First aid for anxiety-


Ask yourself the right questions.

For what am I really afraid of?

Why do I think this and where does it come from?

Above all, is it true?

- Fear is a natural response to danger.

Is there actually danger?

Replace the thought with something positive and train your brain towards positivity and less fear or negative thoughts (autosuggestion).

What you give attention grows, you plant the seeds for the future, be careful with it.

The Devil's Workshop...

The receptivity of negative thoughts.

You need to create a mindset that protects you from negative influences. The most common weakness is the habit of opening your consciousness to negative influences.

It's the evil from which their uncontrolled behavior arises (conditioning).

Don't be fooled by the arbitrary, unsubstantiated opinions of others, it will dent your confidence and self-esteem. Don't do that ever.

Nightly dreams…

(reliving traumas)

During the night our brain is hard at work processing the stimuli gained during the day, sorting it out while your body rests peacefully and recovers, energy is built up again to start a new day.

A special cycle of the body and mind.

But what if it's disturbed by fear or nighttime dreams?

An overstimulated brain that cannot come to rest remains in a maelstrom of thoughts, anxiety that has grown further from a trauma.

Which disrupts the night's sleep and exhausts your body in the long run and feels the days like weeks to get through, your body has to drag on, as it were, to get around.

A fear or trauma can be so deeply rooted, and you don't even have to think about it, even without your knowledge fears and traumas can manifest themselves in your deep subconscious, completely stuck. You carry a lot of luggage with you and the backpack gets heavier and heavier because the body is increasingly exhausted, your emotional baggage carries with you every day.

It seems like you keep absorbing but don't let go of anything.

That too is a whole process of recovery, learning to recognize, accept and then let go.

Actively processing a deep-seated trauma with the help of a therapist can help with this and possibly a sleep coach is extremely important.

Allowing your emotions in a certain trauma is an important step, recognizing and accepting them.

It's okay to feel what I'm feeling about this, it's okay to have certain emotions about this.

It's okay that this is present now and I dwell on this and how would I feel if I let this one go and just relax?

Focus on what you do want, rewrite your own events or anxiety into something positive and believe in it.

Train your mind to learn to be receptive to positive thoughts and stimuli.

Put on soft music as background, or listen to an audiobook/podcast, anything that can help you relax.

Meditation, breathing exercises or self-reflection before going to sleep helps to create calm in the body and mind.

Create a peaceful sleeping environment and avoid stimulants such as caffeine before going to bed, as well as stimuli from screens (TV, mobile phone, tablet).

“From silence arises the formula to turn my weakness into a strength. And I master what I own.”

“It's my own choice what I do with what is given to me in this life: I research, teach myself, master it and share my experience with others”

“My life force is my mastery that I excel at in this great world.”

Why do I feel invisible?

“What you think you see for the future is still undescribed

There are infinite possibilities in the future that is constantly changing Every decision you make creates another alternative

The future is not yet written

You have to focus on the here and now Live your life”

Teach yourself to shine in your own light. No one can do this for you.

Do what you love, set yourself a clear goal and determine in great detail the steps you need to take to work towards it.

Be unconditionally committed and believe in yourself and don't let anything or anyone get in your way.

There is no failure on the way to your goal, when something doesn't go your way, change your steps but never your end goal.

When something fails, it often wants to tell us something, something from which you can learn and change is needed. Determination always wins in the end…

As an HSP you have so much power and potential in yourself, bring it out and use it for everything you want to achieve, for everything you want to do.

Your weakness is also a strength, use it to the full in your own creativity.

Sooner or later you will meet the right people, even during your process you may meet new people, people who are a better fit for you with whom you can connect, feel and bond with.

People who support you can help get you where you want to be.

Our path is unfathomable, what we have no control over, what you do have control over is how you walk your path and what you do for it.

You are the only person who needs yourself, stand in your own power. Positive mindset creates a succession of so many other future-oriented positivity. What you give attention to grows, so does positivity, the law of attraction. Attract the right people to you by being who you want to be.

And let those who hinder you in your daily life or drain your energy behind you, let go to embrace new and better things. Don't be afraid of change, even if it's scary, sometimes in life you need risks in order to grow, learn, see things from a different angle.

And where is the real happiness…?

This question is answered very quickly: with yourself.

Focus your attention on what is possible, not on your limitation(s).

Think in possibilities and not in limitations, don't put desires aside by thinking limited, making excuses for yourself because you are worth much more than that.

The quality of your life is largely determined by your thoughts and emotions.

The meaning you give to an experience or event creates an emotional thought that you experience as your truth.

What happens to your emotions when you ask yourself confusing questions?

Do you keep ruminating on the past why you didn't do it differently?

Enjoy what is there and stop hurting yourself, do something and fill that void.

Focused attention, making choices and setting priorities and managing your time carefully.

Spend your time on what matters to you. Not having enough time is a personal perception/conception.

Do everything as much as possible with your full attention and do whatever it takes!

Doom-mongering paralyzes you and the only thing that changes is your experience, in fact nothing changes about the situation.

As long as you don't lose yourself emotionally, in a false sentiment and get lost in the labyrinth of negative thought patterns.

Life is a chessboard and the player facing you is the time.

If you hesitate before making a move or don't react in time, your pawns will be wiped off the board by time.

You play against an opponent who does not tolerate indecision.

This life has a deadline, the end is getting closer every minute.

Everything is always in motion, everything changes and everything passes.

Everything that is yours now will be someone else's later.

What will you do with the time that is given to you?

Only love and silence are immortal.

Enjoy your time here and trust the journey.

A few more tips from me to you… 

  • Put energy into what you have control over, let go of what is not in your control field and resign yourself to it.
  • Own what is yours, only that which is only yours, do not carry the suffering and weight of another.
  • Find the anchors you've cast over the years, lift them and let your ship sail.
  • Life is too short, death is a given and you become aware of it, what do you do with the time that is given to you in this life?
  • Do you recognize fear, listen to it and distinguish the type of fear, is it true or do you think it is true?
  • Do self-care in time, go for a walk outside in nature.
  • Zoom out in time when your head gets too crammed with different types of information and start arranging.
  • There is only one you take care of yourself, another cannot do it for you.
  • You can't commit yourself to others if you're burned out, time for a vacation!
  • Continuing without rest leads to overdrive, which greatly reduces productivity and ultimately leads to depression and burnout.
  • Stay in your own power, stand for what you believe in and never let anyone else tell you otherwise, don't take nonsense from others, refuse to take shit from whoever it comes.
  • Your thoughts are your biggest limitations in your life, think in possibilities and don't let it slow you down.
  • Someone who tries to change your mind does not support you and distance yourself in time before you come to a standstill.
  • Sometimes step outside your safe zone and explore the new things that will pleasantly surprise you.
  • Think in possibilities and not in limitations.

"𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒾𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝑜𝓊𝓁, 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓎 𝒾𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝑜𝓌𝓃 𝑒𝓃𝑒𝓇𝑔𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓋𝒶𝓁𝓊𝑒"

  𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒, 𝐻𝑆𝑃𝑚𝑒𝑖𝑠𝑗𝑒

''𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝑜𝓌𝓃 𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒽𝓁𝓎 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃𝓎

𝒥𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒶𝓈 𝓈𝓊𝓇𝑒𝓁𝓎 𝒶𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇

𝒯𝑜 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓁 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝑜𝓌𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉𝓈''

                                                         𝒩𝒶𝓅𝑜𝓁𝑒𝑜𝓃 𝐻𝒾𝓁𝓁